What Does It Take To Be A Responsible Husband, Father?


Are you aware that as a man, if you are a first born, an only child, a favourite child, the last born or only successful child, there is more required of you to protect your wife and children? Do you also know that if you are wife to any of these men, it is imperative for you to be more patient, magnanimous and understanding in order to keep your marriage intact and rancour -free. 

One major area where many people live in denial today is in the area of relationship. There is no denying the fact that they want the best; they desire utmost bliss, harmony and unending love. Unfortunately however, many are not willing to make the necessary compromises that would guarantee continued happiness and success in their homes.

Little wonder that there is a lot of hurt in homes and families today. It is either there is someone who is going through a bad relationship, has gone through a bad relationship or will go through a bad relationship.

This palpable unwholesome trend is perhaps one of the reasons Mrs. Tinuola Agabiaka, the Founder/CEO of Practical Christian Living Initiative (PCLI) is focusing on a special men’s summit tagged, “A Man Worthy of Respect”, scheduled to hold on Saturday 27th June at the Oriental Hotels, Lekki, Victoria Island.

According to the lawyer cum chair of PCLI, a relationship-based NGO, “A man naturally craves respect from his woman while the woman wants love. However, he needs to be worthy of that respect.”

Her words, “Research has shown that for a man who does the proper thing, the woman has no problem submitting to him. Love a woman, treat her well and you will be amazed at how she will reciprocate. I tell people, the greatest gift a man can give to his children is to love their mother and show it. You can’t keep talking down on your wife, abusing her and expect the woman to be submissive. This act has far reaching consequences and it is high time we begin to take responsibility for what we do or fail to do.”

Agbabiaka explains that the forthcoming men’s summit is meant to educate young male adults that are willing to learn and improve themselves to be good husbands and fathers.  While assuring that there is no age restriction for participants as long as they are open to God and ready to be guided in the right path, she urged men to avail themselves of this opportunity to improve on their lives and relationships instead of remaining fixated on the values and culture imbibed from their background and environment.

She also cautions on the need for proper check before choosing a spouse, stressing that “nobody really changes after marriage. What happens is that you just see things clearer after signing the dotted lines. Someone who is going to be a wife beater must have given you or someone you know a dirty slap before but you chose to ignore it (except of course there was no courtship at all.) He would have reacted in a rage that you just couldn’t comprehend but you dismissed it then. The signs are always there.”

The erudite counselor cautions that, “It is very important that when you want to get married, you must understand the background of the person you are marrying or who raised the person because there is no way the person will not manifest things from the one who raised him or her.”

“Naturally, it is what you have been nurtured with in your family that plays out when you have your own home. For instant, the values that a girl/boy grows up with are what he/she will eventually play out when he/she gets married. If a girl grows up with a mother who constantly tells her that men are not to be trusted, when she gets married, she will never trust her husband or any man for that matter. We have discovered that a lot of times, people are fixated on doing things a certain way, even when it is not the proper way. They are not to blame because that is the way they have always known how to do things”, she added.

Agbabiaka also warns against marrying for wrong reasons, expressing concern that this is fast becoming a popular but dangerous trend. “People are getting married for various funny reasons and this goes back to haunt them later. If someone gets married because all his/her friends are getting married and he/she is not compatible with the choice spouse, when issues start to come up, then they start to run helter skelter”.

She therefore urges parents/guardians, spiritual leaders, mentors and counselors to be worthy role models and positive influence for their wards, even as they help inculcate the right values in them. This, she stressed, has become imperative because “relationship is like a circle. If you don’t train someone well, the person will end up not training another person properly and the chain of evil will continue.”

The rippling effect on the nation Nigeria, she says is that “for as long as we keep ignoring the family, the nation will not be made whole.”

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